you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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