Porn is love you can see.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
