So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
