I wanna bring you to show and tell
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
