What did we do last night that was yellow?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Randomize
