I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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