I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
