well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
