At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
