Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
