I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
