In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I forget how to act sober
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
