and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just invented taco cereal.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
