Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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