Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
