Only a mothe r could love this liver
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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