So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Randomize
