There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
