I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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