I could have mohawked her pubes.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
