Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
