My cat gives me a boner
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
