Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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