burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
