Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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