Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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