Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We just shotgunned beers for America
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
