i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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