Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
