quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
