You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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