Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
