Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Bring me that man meat
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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