yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
