I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
