Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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