Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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