So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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