I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
