No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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