i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
