Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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