Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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