I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
