That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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