Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
