Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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