I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i believe in u and ur pee
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
