Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
