Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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