I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
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