Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
